I know what I want for Christmas… oooh yeah that panda…
It happens every year. December 25th rolls around, and there are presents under the tree. The family gathers around to give and receive presents from the heart, to demonstrate the spirit of Christmas and to show how much they care about someone. Most gifts are well received. Oh, I got that new putter I wanted! Fourteen packs of Magic the Gathering cards! The head of that cunt who lives down the street that turned me down for sex all those times! When a gift is just right, there is nothing more magical.
Occasionally, though, well… to be frank, if it is better to give than receive, then someone needs to remind people that giving requires some brains. I’m not saying that a complete DVD collection of Warehouse 13 or Malibu Barbie Dolls are necessarily a bad thing, but you really need to know the person you’re giving them to. Ten year old Debby Jellinsky wanted Ballerina Barbie for Christmas. You started a chain reaction that would lead to multiple murders, you fool.
Thankfully, the true God worshiped at Christmastime, the almighty dollar, has provided an avenue of retreat for those of us who just don’t get it right the first time. Many a gift can be returned to the retail store and exchanged for something of equal or lesser value. This makes everybody happy, and prevents middle aged blonde nannies from trying to murder beloved former TV sitcom families. Here I explore a few gifts received from the anime and manga industry last year, why they suck and need to be returned, and what I would prefer to get instead.
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